Love is better when it's given to yourself

 Dear Reader,

Today I am learning a valuable lesson - to not put off today what you've been called to do yesterday. 

I believe many of us are called to be greater in our gifts and to not let our comforts lull us into this deep sleep. Even though it's still winter and rest is absolutely needed, our creativity creeps out slowly to meet us in this season. Writers, artists, dreamers, weavers, we're all coming out of our shells and letting God slowly shape us. 

I'll be honest, I've struggled a lot with getting things done. It starts with a few extra minutes in bed, letting the alarm go off and turning to the side. Maybe I'll skip taking a shower today. Just letting myself be cozy. It's been even more difficult to get a hold of things while in the midst of pregnancy. 

Surprise by the way. 

The last time we talked, you saw me moving out with my boyfriend and looking for a job. 

Well, a lot has changed and much of the world and my aspirations felt like they have gone downhill. I've been hoping things around me would change for the better but the truth is - a lot that needs to change starts with my internal world. 

I've been pouring into the world, into other people and their needs, pouring into doing things for the baby and my boyfriend. But I always somehow forget that I'm a person too. I have needs. I have feelings and emotions that no one can hold but me. The air between each breathe, the pause in each heartbeat, the tears that have silently stepped out of me, they are all mine to hold and to love deeply. 

So before things change forever (in the best kind of way) I need to create a link to myself and my heart. I need to care for myself in the ways that I care for others. Stop holding myself in a space of limerence from what I am and who I keep dreaming about. 

So the word for the month is EMBRACE. 

Embracing my gifts, my peace, my heart and myself in every moment, in every breath, forever and ever. 

Moving Up and Out + Job Update

 So it's Thursday and winter solstice is today! ❄ 

Time is moving by so fast. While the day itself seems impractically short the amount of tasks and responsibilities are overwhelming growing. 

So anyway, to catch you up to speed from last week - I got a job! Not the same job from the interview I was running off to but the one prior to it. Honestly, I've been a bit back and forth about it.  

Structurally and aesthetically, the second job interview had more of the feeling and professionalism that I would love to work in. Not to discredit where I'll be now, but there felt like a sharp difference in feeling like I actually work at a spa. In fact, the interviewer was late so I got a chance to really sit down at that second location and take in the atmosphere, products, music and employee behavior. 

However, I haven't heard back from them and it's been a week exactly since. 

The upside and really one of the major reasons I'm not at a total loss with my new job is how close to home it will be. Speaking of which, by the end of this month, yours truly will be moving in with the love of her life. We're not at the space to have our own place just yet so this is a great test run. 

~*~*~

Can I be honest with you? 

... 

I think the whole idea of moving out at this point scares me. Just a little. It's more so that I wonder if moving out of the routine "comforts" of home will activate panic within myself. It's not like I haven't been away before. I moved out plenty of times when going to college and once officially in 2020. Though that was a short period. 

But last year, when I went away for school (basically forty minutes from Canada far away) I had nothing but panic and anxiety attacks. I didn't and couldn't feel safe for the life of me. The whole time I was away there was nothing but a mixture of survival, fear, potential optimism for trying to overcome the fear, suspense and existentialism. But that's college. 

This time... it's simply growing up. Moving on and away. It might be a good time for it though. This is the moment of transition. Starting a clean slate over the holidays and into the new year. I've decided to embrace this change with an open heart.

Not a terrible Thursday

 Good day my loves, 

Today I'm feeling a bit lazy...well, I just feel like I'm existing. There's plenty to do at the house and I kind of have been doing the same thing for a while now. 

The agenda:

💗Clean out and organize my room

💗Minimize my wardrobe

💗Take care of the chores around the house 

Simple enough. 

But today I'm feeling really reclusive and tired. Truthfully, I haven't slept well either and usually it takes me all night to actually fall asleep. Oh well. 

By the way, I'll have to get ready soon. There's a job interview I'm going for at a massage parlor. It's a front desk position but I'm hoping it will be the first step into funding my career into massage therapy. 

I've never considered it before but these days...I don't know... I'm learning to let go of expectations on how our lives are supposed to go. Things change. Our dreams and ideas, they grow into their own and may become quite different from what we imagined. 

I'm excited for it though. Have you ever felt that before? For something you've never even considered but now it feels like that's all you can dream about. It's a nice feeling.

 Alright, I'll update you soon! Gotta get ready xx 💋

Life is too beautiful to waste

Too often do we hear the solemn phrase, "life is too short". Thus resulting in impulsively reckless decisions for the more free willed of us, or an increased cautious hesitancy for the other.

I can't even begin to tell you how much that phrase burns me like a bad case of indigestion. What's all the rush for anyway? Yes, in the grand scheme of the universe, we are here for mere moments. But while we're here why not take another perspective.

Life is too beautiful to waste. 

That is the motto I will choose to live by. Instead of recklessly running around, chasing after the next big trend or striving to become a top influencer, I wish to live more gently. Living within dreams. Meticulously honing my craft of tending to the fragile and the beautiful. Essentially, I want to be what any little girl dreams of at some point - a royal ballerina who dances in a garden of roses against the warm light of a setting sun. 

It's romantic - as life should be. 

Doesn't mean it won't be without it's hardships. But this time in life, as a young woman heading towards her dreamy thirties, I won't let anything stop my dreams ever again. 

~*~*~

So what exactly will these hopeful dreams consist of? I'm so excited you asked! 

🌸In the new year, I will reclaim my imaginary prima ballerina title and commit to adult ballet. 

🌸I will write poems, short stories, love letters and learn to aid an air of romanticism in everyday life.

🌸My closet will be filled with dresses - cotton, linen, silk and wool in different hues of blush and rose.

🌸I want to speak softly, move gracefully and express with the deepest sense of sincerity, a loving heart.

🌸Headphones on! Absolutely no one is allowed to interfere with my humble delusions.

Seems like a good start doesn't it? I think so too <3 

Well, I guess that's all for now. 

Talk to you soon and remember to live fully in your dreams my love. 

 

Goodnight xx